Oh, the irony. A new report by Greenpeace “puts Apple at bottom of green league table due to reliance on coal at data centres,” according to that reliably climate-alarmist British newspaper, The Guardian. And the green weenies at the paper are not pleased.

Apple has come bottom of the most comprehensive green league table of technology companies because of its heavy reliance on “dirty data” centres.

The list, which is compiled by Greenpeace and released in San Francisco on Thursday, shows that the company relies heavily on highly polluting coal power at the sites that house its banks of servers.

Gasp! Apple uses coal to power its servers? But how could it not? After all, America’s own Energy Department notes:

Coal is the workhorse of the nation’s electric power industry, supplying more than half the electricity consumed by Americans.

This is a real problem. What to do? Here’s an idea! The Greenpeace scolds should demand that Apple move it’s headquarters to France, which gets nearly 80 percent of its power from CO2-free nuclear plants! Er … um … well … that won’t do either. Nuke power is bad, says Greenpeace.

Newsflash, green weenies: Solar panels and windmills won’t power Apple’s wondrous products — let alone a whole nation. And Apple has nothing for which to cover itself in a recyclable veil of shame. Yes, Apple is almost insufferably pompous about promoting its “green” street cred. CEO Steve Jobs brings is up every time he introduces a new Apple product. And most consumers could care less.

Consumers prove that with their pocketbooks. Several months after the introduction of the iPad2, there are still insanely long lines (which you must get up early to stand in) to buy the product. Order the iPad2 online, and  you’ve gotta settle in for a six-week wait. And the same dynamic will play out after the debut of whatever game-changing, useful, and cool device Apple will come up with next.

That company can burn kittens to keep the creative fires stoked as far as consumers are concerned. All by itself, Apple is virtually fueling the entire digital economy — the only sector of America’s economy not on life-support. This annual publicity stunt by Greenpeace is an attempt to remain relevant in a world where fewer and fewer people drink the green-colored Kool-Aid. It’s lame, but apparently, still effective — in the publicity-getting game, not the effectiveness game.

A bit more irony to close: King Green Weenie Al Gore is a member of Apple’s Board of Directors. I’m sure that any minute now he’ll be resigning in a huff, and selling his holdings in one of the world’s most profitable companies. Whaddya say, Al?

(Sound of crickets chirping at the latest Gore compound.)